Sometimes I am a butterfly, and sometimes I am a moth. But a moth can be very beautiful too. It just depends upon the eye of the beholder.
As a moth I have flown too close to the flame and I have been burned too many times to count. I think we have that in common. And may be the reason we keep flying around each other, keeping some distance, fearing another singe.
But during my flight, during my avoidance of the flame, I have continued to heal.
And there have been many things I have learned while in this healing phase of my life.
I have learned I should never begin a relationship until I am strong enough to be me. Not until I have a firm sense of self and can maintain me, be strong in me and as me. Otherwise I let myself get manipulated and I allow myself to be changed into someone I am not. And then eventually the un-me becomes unhappy, which eventually leads to breakdown and failure of not only me but of the relationship as well.
Another thing I have learned is that I should not enter a relationship until my heart is strong enough to survive heartache and heartbreak. Because let’s be serious and real and admit there will be hurt, small hurt, big hurt, and breaks too. But that’s alright and perfectly o.k., as long as the heart is strong enough to take it and not only survive but also thrive.
With these realizations I can now admit that most of my life I have looked for someone else to make me happy. And I think by doing so I have actually drained other people’s happiness until each joined me in the realms of depression. I watched this happen a couple of times. But I have now learned my happiness does begin and end within me.
So I kick all naysayers to the curb. The ones trying to tell me I am not living life to its fullest because I am not doing this or that.
By kicking and by listening to my own newly made happier inner voice, I have transformed my way of thinking and being and have learned to love the life I live.
As a result of all of this I do believe that right now I am as close to whom I have always wished to be, on so many levels.
I am not all there yet.
But then again I am not sure I ever will be, and honestly not sure I ever want to be. Because by my feeling I still have a few steps to walk until I reach my optimal me then I will continue walking forward.
And isn’t it better for me to keep on walking forward?
This way I will continue to better myself each and every day.
Not sometimes, but always.